The most difficult insecurity that I find in my clients is that they want to be perfect. I say, “There is no perfect–perfect is boring.”
My studies with human beings show me that those who need to be perfect have the most anxieties, worry a lot, and become nervous wrecks. They are constantly intense. I tell them, “Perfection gets in your way, but feeling “good enough” will help you grow and build your natural potential.
When everything needs to be in place, and you discount your need for freedom with rigidity and details, you lose your creativity. In fact you tend to forget about your creativity.
I find that strong and controlling mothers, who think their children need to be perfect, do them a disservice. The need to control is the mother’s problem, and has nothing to do with their kids. The problem is that the children begin to believe that THEY need to be perfect, when they are forced to live with extreme expectations.
When I say “Perfect Is Boring” I mean that there is no diversity. Perfectionists are afraid to dare life. They tend to discount the exciting and wonderful opportunities that the world offers them.
Not only is perfect boring, it is full of fear. It drives human beings to
be frightened of anything that they cannot control. We all talk about
courage and of course it feels good. Beyond courage is truth, and when we grow up in a rigid family, who do not communicate, we forget to live our truth.
Truth is my brand and I teach it. Truth brings courage, leadership, and compassion for others. Truth is not self-critical, but perfection is the cause of self-criticism. When my clients tell me that they are fat, and wear a size 4 dress, I tell them that they are living a lie. When they say I am “not good enough” to do that job, I say that’s a lie.
We do not want to live lies, and we do not want to be perfect. Remember,
Perfect is boring.
One other thing that comes with perfect is the need to please, needing approval, and the fear of saying no. As children grow up they take those feelings with them. It makes them angry, as they lose their freedom and spontaneity. Perfect also damages relationships, particularly the romantic ones. If you have a perfect mother or father,you often look for the same type of person as a mate. It does not work in the long term as you cannot fix your relationship with your parents by finding a mate that resembles them.
Perfect hurts freedom, the need to make wise decisions, risk-taking, and giving yourself permission that you are the one who can only take care of yourself, by developing “Self-Love”.
Controlling parents hurt their children, who are freedom seeking, and love adventure. These children have a very difficult time to make the right decision. Most of all, it builds a huge amount of personal insecurity.
My mother was a very frightened woman. I was an only child, who was born with courage, and I did not want to be afraid to ride a bike, because I might fall. I wanted to swim, but my mother was worried that I would drown. I could not do anything that would scare her. I don’t know where I got the courage to tell her that I would not take her fear. I would not listen to her when she would try to make me insecure. Most children do not tell their mothers about their anger, or their need to hear, “What do you feel?” “What do you think?”
We all need to hear those words as we grow up!