3 steps to make you strong and not a people pleaser!
So many of are raised with extreme expectations. A strong mother who believes in perfection, and wants to train her children to be perfect, just like she is, can be harmful to her children. Mom does not do this intentionally, but she has been raised like this, so she uses her behavior (the one she is used to) and passes it on to her children. Hello, future people pleaser.
STEP ONE: be open to loving yourself.
Most children do not like to become what their mothers expect them to be. They truly want their mothers to know who they are. My book, The Stars In Your Family is about raising your kids as to who they are, with the aid of Astrology. This book has become a bible to a lot of mothers.
What happens to kids who are raised by very strong, perfect, mothers? They grow up trying to please everyone. They grow up needing a lot of approval, which makes them think, I’m Not Good Enough. I’m not good enough passes on to their work, their relationships, and minimalizes their self-esteem. I’m sure that a lot of my readers tend to understand this.
What happens to a pleaser? He or she becomes an excessive caretaker. He or she will build inner anger and have fear of personal confrontation. Pleasers can harm the development of their potential. They never can please everyone enough. They never can get enough approval. Pleasers do not know how to receive and if they do not have this ability they will never feel worthy or deserving.
STEP TWO: let go of the past
I work with my clients in reference to learning self-love. Can you imagine that I spoke to 50 women last week and asked them to raise their hands if they have believe they have self-love. One out of the 50 raised her hand. Living your truth and developing self-love is the way to happiness. Most people spot a pleaser, and it can be difficult in a marriage.
When you please all the time and have no expectation of receiving anything, your mate will never think you need anything. Most pleasers begin to resent doing it all. We do not need to please to be loved. A couple needs to give and receive to build a powerful relationship. They will learn to appreciate each other in a wonderful way. Pleasing is a form of control. If I do it all then I will not be hurt. Wrong!! If you do it all you will feel very insecure.
Human Beings cannot be self-critical if they are not perfect or make a mistake. There is no perfect, there is good enough. There is patting yourself on the back and thinking I really did that well. We suffer from perfection, too much worry, anxiety, and building chaos. We cannot create mountains out of molehills.
My son just changed jobs and he is very talented. He was so worried about how his ex-employers would react to his change. I told him, “They would not give you the salary you deserved. They expected you to work at least 14 hours a day, without overtime. They did compliment you about your talent, but they did not value your talent in reference to money and time.” He did change the job and got a lot more money. He said to me, “Why did I worry so much.” I responded with, “You forgot about your self-love, my dear.” He smiled and said, “Right on mom.”
STEP THREE: let go of the drama
We cannot forget about our natural talent and ability. We cannot allow anyone to abuse our self-love. My mother tried and I told her I could not be the frightened woman she was. My father said I was 8 years old when I said it. He clapped when I said it. What a man he was. He’s gone and I miss him very much.
Understand who you are and love who you are. You will be giving yourself a fabulous gift, you’re not bound to be a people pleaser.
Please call me for your Astrology and Life Coaching Appointment!