Monthly Archives: April 2014

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IF LOVE IS NOT THE ANSWER, WHAT IS?

When I was seven years old my father asked me, “What makes you happy baby?” I smiled and responded with, “Daddy, love is the answer.” My father laughed out loud and told the entire family what I said, “Sylvia, said that “love is the answer” and that makes her happy. He continued to say, “I wonder if all of us need to follow her lead and believe that having love could be our answer.” My father knew that he was not very happy with my mother, because he was forced to marry her. That’s what they did in the Jewish families many years ago.

The family did not know that my mother did not love herself, and that everything frightened her. They did not care if my father was not ready for marriage, he had to get married to my mother.

Today, we still have problems with “love being our answer”. We all seem to want it, but have difficulty getting it. My father’s family did not think about my parents’ truth when they insisted they get married, and unfortunately we do not always know our truth today. Do we understand someone when we meet him or her? Do we truly know the personality when we meet him or her? My experience as a coach tells me that my clients do not intuitively know their potential mates or the people they marry.

I still believe that “love is the answer” for me, but as I get older I find, as most people, that so many other things get in the way. We still have to learn about ourselves. We still have to give ourselves permission to trust someone. We still have a lot of anger that we need to get rid of. We still have problems with having relationships. I am still helping people of all ages to understand self-love. I am still helping my clients to work on their anger. I try very hard to remain realistic when I coach my clients. As an idealist I want my clients to understand and believe in love.

My truly powerful wish is to help my clients with self-love. When they begin to understand how meaningful it is to love yourself, they see the differences they have with personal and professional
relationships. They stand up for themselves and lose the need to please. They have the desire to depend on their own approval first. I want my clients to see the importance of self-love, in order to become courageous and strong within. I guess I am still the seven year old who believes in love. I want to pass this feeling on to you.

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THE SECRET OF TRUTH

How can truth be a secret when most people talk about wanting to hear the truth? I believe that personal honesty can be an ongoing secret when human beings communicate. People always tell me that they want to live their truth, yet they tend to hide from it most of their lives. Why do they hide from it, because they’re afraid of it.

I chose to make truth my brand because as I coach I find that my clients keep talking about the dishonesty they endure throughout their lives. I ask, “Who told you to be a victim and live with other people’s lies? They respond with “I don’t want them to abandon me”. I reply with, “Those people who abandon you know that you can easily become a victim. They sense it and understand that even though you know that they are lying, they are too selfish to care.

It seems impossible that people can be so distant, never wanting to let you into their lives. It is not your problem, it is their fear of commitment. It is also their lack of understanding how to communicate. They most likely learned it from their parents, or the people that surround them.

People can be friendly and can enjoy having a party. They often make jokes to cover their sensitivity. When you see a monumental joke-teller, you can understand that this person is fearful of letting you into his or her life.

Anger is built on disagreement that is never truly talked about. Wars also come from deep built-in anger and disagreement between countries. It is sad to see suicide prevail when those people are convinced that they are sacrificing their lives for their country. So little understanding of what is true and what is a lie. So little understanding of their own value and beliefs. We do not have to kill ourselves, we need to negotiate our beliefs in a healthy manner.

Truth is so misunderstood. Why do we believe that it is so hard. Why can’t we believe that our intuition is correct. If we understand that believing in truth is healthy we can all live better lives.
We seem to talk about the importance of truth, yet we make it insignificant.

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SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE ON YOUR WAVELENGTH!

Have you ever wondered why you are quickly uncomfortable with certain people? Have you also wondered why you do not want to continue a romantic relationship, or a friendship?

There are times when we meet someone and we instantly know that we are not compatible with that person. On the other hand we meet someone who we love, immediately. I have often thought, perhaps the people we meet and find instant compatibility, are people that we have known before. My friends often laugh when I say, “possibly in another life.” They can laugh, but I believe it. In addition, the people that we do not like are usually people who could never be on our wavelength.

It is also very important for us to work with people who are on a similar wavelength. Those who approach life with the same thoughts,feelings, and a positive attitude are much easier to work with. If we work with a boss that stifles our spirit or tries to control all that we do, we cannot be happy. We will soon lose our desire for the job. Of course, being in our own business gives us the choice of hiring or working with the right people.

If we marry the wrong person, and we instinctively know that he or she may try to stifle our spirit, or diminish our energy, the marriage will not work, long term. There is always the opportunity to counsel with a coach, and that may help, but if throughout the relationship we can learn to understand each other, recognize who we are, and feel safe and secure, the marriage has a powerful chance for happiness.

Some of the reasons we make mistakes with mates, employers, or friends are when we idealize those people. With a mate we often put him or her on a pedestal and you can be sure that he or she will fall off. Be realistic when you meet a potential mate. With a friend we cannot be overly caretaking, because he or she may often disappoint you. With an employer or those you work with you need to be intuitive, in reference to your similarity. This does not always happen, but I have found that the employers or associates that were on my wavelength helped me to build my success and theirs.

Be careful with the people that surround you and let them know that there needs to be give and take in any relationship. We cannot please too much, need constant approval, and say yes all the time. The word NO is in the dictionary. A little advice: surrounding yourself with people on your wavelength may save your life!