Are you raising your children as to who they are, or who you expect them to be? Do you want them to be just like you, even when they’re not? Is your ego getting in the way of their freedom? Do you want them to achieve more than you did? Are their grades more important to you than they are? My experience has revealed that most parents raise their kids by creating what I call Illusionary Mind Stories.
What are mind stories? The spinning of your mind, creating questions and conversations in your head, creating dramas that do not exist, and looking for trouble.
I never doubt that most parents love their children and want them to be the best they can be. In fact, they will go out of their way to see that they are. Unfortunately, there are many times when they cross the line. We all know that each one of us create mind stories on a daily basis. We waste our energy on thinking about things that may never happen. We waste our energy creating dramas that may be destructive. Your mind stories may not always be about your children. In fact, they are usually about your own lives and what happened to you. If your parents did not speak to you, you might not speak to your children. We cannot allow our minds to spin with worry and create problems that can be negative and overwhelming.
When we raise our children we need to be positive, realistic, responsible, and open minded. We must not allow our own worrisome nature, and our need to control get in the way of making wise decisions. We need to be clear and intuitive when we guide our children. We cannot push them too far, or make plans for their future, without asking them “How do you feel? or What do you think? We cannot choose their careers, expect them to be perfect, or never trust them to be decisive. They will never feel good enough and it will stay with them for the rest of their lives.
As a workshop facilitator and coach I find that many of the students I teach are resentful that their parents will not let go of them, or trust them to make their own decisions. They would rather have their parents guide them, rather than control them. They want their independence, as long as they know that their parents are there for them.
It’s never too late to understand what your children need. You do not have to spin illusionary mind stories in your head, you just have to openly ask the questions and get their answers.
It’s very important that parents present an honest image of themselves. It’s fine to be financially successful, but it’s more important to be personally successful. Get to know your children and if they are not like you, understand and accept that difference.