ANGER – LET IT OUT!
Human beings are not born angry. They build their dissatisfaction through disappointment and a lack of attention! When kids grow up in a so-called normal family there may still be signs of disfunction, because their parents can be afraid of self-expression. Many parents have problems with understanding their children, because they rarely give them a chance to express their real thoughts or feelings. If they don’t give them permission to be themselves they cannot learn to appreciate their real talent and ability, as they grow and mature. Unfortunately, many parents decide on how children should be raised before they are born. Once they have them they begin to tell them what to do and how to be. They innocently see their behavior as protective, when it’s all about control.
They rarely ask them questions like “What do you think?, or How do you feel? They are too busy planning their agendas on a daily basis. This can be very stressful. Kids are influenced by parents who live with nervous anxiety and stress. They begin to fear their choas. Therefore, they do not speak up or stand up for themselves because they may not get their approval. Parents may not be conscious of behaving in a cold, critical or judgmental manner,but many do. What happens when you are criticized, judged or controlled? Personally insecurity becomes a huge part of our personality. Personal insecurity is encouraged when we grow up in homes where everything is extreme.
Even when a lifestyle is considered “normal” children pay the price for their parent’s fearful behavior. Parents can often be unconscious of their child’s suffering, because they are to busy to give them the attention they need. Kids suppress their feelings each time they feel hurt or unfairly punished. The anger and resentment builds because they are afraid to express themselves. They do not believe they can be themselves and they have problems understanding themselves because their parents do not understand them. Kids begin to build a thick shell around them, which is called self-protection. Self protection makes them angry because they are afraid to be themselves. When you are afraid to be yourself, you are forced into becoming what your parents expect you to be. This behavior is usually contradictory to what you truly believe, and that makes you angry. If your parents do not accept you for who you are you begin to live with white lies as a small child, which often turns into huge lies, as you grow older. If we do not learn how to let the anger go, living in your own world becomes a lie.
The disappointments we suffer starts when we are very young, and then many of us turn to rebellion. We rebel because we don’t understand how to confront our anger, or our pain. We are afraid to stand up for ourselves. Therefore this built up anger leads you into seeking attention, even though it may be negative attention. Angry little kids turn into teenagers that rebel and will do anything to get attention; but it’s usually a form of negative attention.
These kids often harbor their pain and anger until it explodes. They stifle their feelings until something triggers them toward punishing others, just to get rid of their own pain. It is not the other person that can help them with their anger, it is their determination to say goodbye to it.
They say that we choose our parents. If we do, that doesn’t mean they are right for us. Little girls tend to lose their fathers early, because of dysfunctional behavior or their careers tend to dominate their lives. Therefore, mom begins to make all of their decisions from the time they are very young. Growing up with dominant mothers often attracts men to dominating females who want to make all of their decisions. Cold distancing fathers cause their daughters to attract to cold, distancing men, who will also abandon them.
My experience as a coach and speaker has shown me that many of my clients irrevocably resist letting go of their anger. I tell them, “The key to resolving your anger is to understand what provokes this familiar pain.” This anger is buried deep within us, and only comes to the surface when we suffer from new, old or imagined wounds. Anger and personal insecurity are closely aligned. One nurtures the other. This duo can destroy any possibility of pleasure or happy moments. It strives to diminish positive attitudes, replacing them with negativity. It’s your choice if you want to hold on to your anger, but if you do nothing will ever be good enough.