Truth

PRACTICE THE WORD NO

There are many pleasers in the world, and those pleasers have a very difficult time saying “No” when they want to. We all have the right to say no when we want to. We just have to believe that we are lovable without trying to please or get approval.

Saying no also makes some people feel that they are not good people. Of course, this is wrong.

There are so many times that we say yes and regret it because we are not getting the response we need. We can never give up the fact that we have an opinion and we cannot be used. The more we feel that we are responsible for our own behavior and do not go against the grain of who we are, the better we feel.

A lot of our behavior begins when we live with extreme expectations from our parents.  Our parents do not always understand how much they hurt us by raising us as to who they expect us to be.  So many parents do not ask you “How do you feel?”  What do you think?” If we are not given the permission to think or feel, we begin to build inner anger. Parents do not realize that they can be responsible for the lack of self-esteem in their children. They do not realize that saying no is the right they give to their children.

Bossy parents work through their egos. Their parents did not give them the opportunity to say no. We cannot function through our egos. We need to function with the knowledge that we know who we are.

I am always saying “Love Is The Answer” and I definitely believe it.  My father gave me the love that I needed and never thought that his guidance did not include me.  I am so grateful for his love and I miss him everyday.

My advice is to say “No” when it’s right for you. Look at your lives and realize that you own you, you belong to you, and you need to take care of you!  Our personal lives need to have the word no in our vocabulary.

Our professional lives need some compromise, but not when we compromise ourselves.  We will always be respected when people recognize that we feel that we are deserving and worthy. If we continually bend to someone else they will think that we will always do what they want.  Leaders can say no professionally, but they do not always have the same reaction personally. When we can be courageous about the need to personally communicate we will be in charge of our lives. I am writing a book called “Truthful Love” with the aid of astrology. I have been an astrologer for over 20 years and find that the evaluation of personalities are very accurate. I always use the gift I have been given when it comes to intuition and when I coach I depend on my intuition. I have changed many lives and those people are much happier with finding out who they really are. It may sound unusual to read that most people do not know who they are, but their fear overcomes them and they tend to hide. Developing our courage and self-love is the answer to becoming the person you want to be!

If you have any questions you can call 312-944-7256  I will be glad to help!

 

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Looking Within

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF LOOKING WITHIN YOURSELF AND OTHERS?

It is very nice to look at a beautiful woman or a handsome man and feel attracted to the beauty of his or her external l00k. I think we can all admire beauty, yet, can we feel the importance of looking inside that person.  Who is that woman or man?  Style is lovely, but courage is better.  Is that person compassionate, kind, or giving? Can that person give back to you, when you give so much?

Can  you feel safe with that man or woman?  Does that man or woman recognize your special qualities? Is your personal security in tact. We often make mistakes because we are afraid to recognize the truthful qualities of the person we connect to. We cannot put individuals on a pedestal because they will eventually fall off.

Do you feel that the person you are with enjoys the same things that you do? Do you feel happy when you are with that person.  We do not attract to someone because he or she is a challenge, because the challenge will diminish after awhile. Are you proud to be with the person you care about? I do believe that love is the answer, but that love has to be internal as well as external.

Why are we afraid to communicate our feelings?  Even though we may not be a “feelings” person we need to recognize the feelings in the person we are with.  If you are a “facts” person you need to recognize that even though feelings tend to scare you, it’s important to understand them in someone else.

Looking within is difficult. I recommend a good life coach.

I use astrology along with my coaching. I always ask the birthday when I begin to coach. I also get a sample of their handwriting for analysis of their personality. Therefore, I know who is walking in the door for their first session. Nothing is scary when truth prevails. In fact, it is so helpful to understand the traits and characteristics you were born with.

Most of us have some baggage when we enter a relationship. Therefore, we need to rectify that baggage before we marry anyone. It is normal to have some baggage, but the issues that come with baggage must be solved.

I have couples that come to see me before they marry. They find that it is wise to have a mediator, who is truly in their corner before they marry. There are too many difficult relationships and marriages, because so many of the people involved are frightened to talk about what really bothers them. So many women have fathers that do not pay attention to them and they choose a man who is similar to their fathers. If they feel that their fathers have abandoned them, they do not want to spoil anything, because they may be abandoned again!

Love is beautiful, but it takes work. Chemistry can come quickly, but who you are within can be work for your partner. If both partners are willing to work, without fear of abandonment they can grow together. Men can often attract to their mother figures if the mother is very dominating. Therefore, they need to be careful to want to romantic figure, instead of a mother figure.

I have helped many people in relationships and it has been both fulfilling for me and for them! My father asked me what made me happy and he said I was seven years old.  I responded with, “Love Is
The Answer Daddy!”  He laughed out loud, as he always did and said, “I’m going to tell the whole family that you need a lot of love!  I kissed him and said, “Go Right Ahead!”

“Don’t be afraid to get to know yourself, and don’t be afraid to know your partner.”

That’s when love lasts a very long time!

 

You can connect with me at 312-944-7256 or Firegyrl@aol.com I can help you when you are read to begin your journey of “Looking Within.”

 

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People Pleaser 3 Steps

3 steps to make you strong and not a people pleaser!

So many of are raised with extreme expectations. A strong mother who believes in perfection, and wants to train her children to be perfect, just like she is, can be harmful to her children. Mom does not do this intentionally, but she has been raised like this, so she uses her behavior (the one she is used to) and passes it on to her children. Hello, future people pleaser.

STEP ONE: be open to loving yourself.

Most children do not like to become what their mothers expect them to be. They truly want  their mothers to know who they are. My book, The Stars In Your Family is about raising your kids as to who they are, with the aid of Astrology. This book has become a bible to a lot of mothers.

What happens to kids who are raised by very strong, perfect, mothers?  They grow up trying to please everyone. They grow up needing a lot of approval, which makes them think, I’m Not Good Enough. I’m not good enough passes on to their work, their relationships, and minimalizes their self-esteem. I’m sure that a lot of my readers tend to understand this.

What happens to a pleaser?  He or she becomes an excessive caretaker.  He or she will build inner anger and have fear of personal confrontation. Pleasers can harm the development of their potential. They never can please everyone enough. They never can get enough approval. Pleasers do not know how to receive and if they do not have this ability they will never feel worthy or deserving.

STEP TWO: let go of the past

I work with my clients in reference to learning self-love. Can you imagine that I spoke to 50 women last week and asked them to raise their hands if they have believe they have self-love. One out of the 50 raised her hand. Living your truth and developing self-love is the way to happiness. Most people spot a pleaser, and it can be difficult in a marriage.

When you please all the time and have no expectation of receiving anything, your mate will never think you need anything. Most pleasers begin to resent doing it all. We do not need to please to be loved. A couple needs to give and receive to build a powerful relationship. They will learn to appreciate each other in a wonderful way. Pleasing is a form of control. If I do it all then I will not be hurt. Wrong!!  If you do it all you will feel very insecure.

Human Beings cannot be self-critical if they are not perfect or make a mistake. There is no perfect, there is good enough. There is patting yourself on the back and thinking I really did that well. We suffer from perfection, too much worry, anxiety, and building chaos. We cannot create mountains out of molehills.

My son just changed jobs and he is very talented. He was so worried about how his ex-employers would react to his change. I told him, “They would not give you the salary you deserved. They expected you to work at least 14 hours a day, without overtime. They did compliment you about your talent, but they did not value your talent in reference to money and time.”  He did change the job and got a lot more money. He said to me, “Why did I worry so much.” I responded with, “You forgot about your self-love, my dear.” He smiled and said, “Right on mom.”

STEP THREE: let go of the drama

We cannot forget about our natural talent and ability. We cannot allow anyone to abuse our self-love. My mother tried and I told her I could not be the frightened woman she was. My father said I was 8 years old when I said it. He clapped when I said it. What a man he was. He’s gone and I miss him very much.

Understand who you are and love who you are. You will be giving yourself a fabulous gift, you’re not bound to be a people pleaser.

Please call me for your Astrology and Life Coaching Appointment!

 

 

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Why do so many people look for love and are afraid of it?

I always tell my clients that truthful love is the answer. I am writing a new book called
Truthful Love. Learn to understand your astrological self. It does help with learning to live
your own truth.

Astrology has been a tool of mine for over 20 years. What fascinated me was the personalities. My clients also like to have their natal charts done at the beginning of the year, so that they can be
aware of how their year is going to be. I began to coach my clients over 10 years ago. I was
encouraged, because I seemed to know how to solve their problems.

Love was always important to me from the time I was a very little girl. My father asked me,
“What makes you happy, baby.” I responded with, “Love Is The Answer. Love makes you feel so good.
Daddy laughed out loud and said, “I’m going to tell the family that my baby needs a lot of love.”

Why do I have so many clients that fear love. They are very afraid to fall in love. It seems to be more
comfortable for them to look for trouble, when they begin a relationship. I try to tell them that working on finding truthful love will make them a lot happier than looking toward the dramas of love.

I talked to a group of women last week, and I asked them to raise their hands if they felt self-love.
There were 50 women and one raised her hand. I am a true advocate when it comes to women, as they have the strength to take care of their own lives. The problem is that they also take care of their mates, friends,
work associates, and have very little time for themselves. After a while, women begin to feel the frustration that people never know that they need anything. I ask, “Why would anyone know that you need anything, when you are always giving yourself away?”

Fear can destroy love, fear can keep you living alone, fear can stop the happiness you deserve and want in your life. Fear never feels good. It is not only bad for love, it can diminish the true opportunity for healthy love. Courage and love are compatible. Fear and love are not compatible.

When we give ourselves the opportunity to explore what feels healthy and truthful. When you are in a relationship, you need to feel that you are sincerely and truthfully loved for who you are. Control is never the answer. We cannot control others and have a happy relationship. We are not strong when we control. It is all about ego. Ego is not authentic. Understanding who you are what you need is crucial to find the kind of love you need. My astrology book will explain compatibility, and also reveal the right people, who are capable of giving you the love you need.

The book will be valuable, and will help you to find what you need, or what you don’t want.

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KEEP THE GOOD ALIVE!

My biggest difficulty is to help my clients to keep the good that happens to them ALIVE. So many people focus on the”not good” that happens to them. I say to them, “Why do you make mountains out of molehills?” Why is drama more important than peace of mind. Why does “not good enough” become the negativity that keeps you from reaching your true potential? Even though I discuss this with them so many of them continue to look for perfection.

When we strive for perfection, we build anxiety and stress to achieve that perfection. My experience has shown me that striving for perfection affects our health in many ways. It could be a heart attack, a stroke, ulcers, krones disease and more. Most people do not realize what they are doing to their bodies with their extreme anxiety.

My clients laugh and say, “I’m a drama queen.” I respond with, “It’s fun to be a “drama queen or king” if it’s about humor or overacting.” It’s not fun to live with misery on a daily basis. It’s not fun to be unhappy all the time.  You can probably notice a person’s sadness by the expression on his or her face. Many people tell me that their misery comes from the way they were raised. I ask them, “Do you enjoy watching your parents’unhappy natures most of the time?  Of course they answer NO!  I again ask, “Then why do you think you need to take on their behavior, and adopt it as your own.”

We need to love who we are instead of becoming self-critical. We are usually critical of something that is not true. We cannot create lies about ourselves. I have a client that tells me she is fat, and she wears a size four. I look at her and say, “Do you like to lie to yourself?” You need to be grateful that you are not overweight. She responds, “Well, my stomach is not flat!” I could not believe it,but I say if you are going to lie to yourself to look for trouble then there is no reason to come to me for coaching. She looked down and said, but I want you to coach me.” I responded with, “Then live your truth and welcome it.” She smiled and said, “I know that your brand is truth and that is why I have come to you.” I responded, if you want to live your truth, then I will guide you.! She smiled again and said, “Please do.”

Happiness is a choice, unless you are very ill and have difficulty recovering. A positive attitude can often help us to get better. I have had an operation on my knee and he doctor said that I will need a cane for six weeks. I told him, “Six weeks! I will be better in two.” It was my positive attitude and determination to get well in two weeks, and I did.  If we count the good that happens to us, and discount the bad that happens to us, we can find that we can live with a positive attitude, rather than turning to negativity. There are times when we have to look for the positive outlook, when we are bombarded with troublesome situations. We need to look for healthy results to solve the difficulty.
Once we do, we can go back and recover our positive behavior. I will leave you with asking you to count the good, and try to maintain a positive attitude!

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WE ARE NEVER ALONE!

So many of my clients worry about being alone if they lose the people they care about. I tell them that even though they may have lost those people, they are still with them. People who truly love us, do not leave us. They want us to be strong and continue our lives.

I still talk to my father and I know that he protects me. He knows that I am a strong woman and believes that I can  handle my life when things are difficult. If we are afraid, or worry about being alone, we are never happy.  We have to believe that we have the strength to take care of our lives.  We need to understand that it is not positive when we worry about being alone. It’s only fear, or illusion. It’s not the truth. If we lose someone, there is always someone that loves us. If we have family, they are there for us, especially if we learn to ask for help.

We are never alone if we have self-love and that’s why I teach my clients to love who they are. I tell them to count the good they do. If they count the good, others will follow. If they value the bad, others will follow.  Strong people need to have a zest for life and enjoy the pleasures they have. We cannot live in the past, especially when we concentrate on the unhappiness we had. It is the now that we need to count. It is the pleasure we receive in the now. We need to continue to grow in the now.  We need to value the gifts we give in the now. We need to wake in the morning and say “I love you.”  Look in the mirror and smile.We are the only people we know in the now, and can move into the future, with self-confidence and courage.

If we are sad all the time, there will be no happiness to look forward to.  Life is not so serious, it can be a lot of fun. Having fun and enjoying our lives is our choice.  Sadness and misery is not having a healthy life. I have several friends who complain all the time, and nothing feels good. The also blame others for their problems. They do not know what to do with their anger.  I tell them harboring their anger is their choice. If they want to openly express their feelings and let them out they will feel better, and it will be their choice.

Many of us are raised by parents, who do not express their feelings. They do not know how to talk to their children. These children grow up with fear of their feelings. They grow up a lack of self-confidence. We all have the choice of not blaming our parent for what they do. We have the choice to understand and value our character and traits. We do not have to be like our parents, unless they make us feel special. They cannot distance themselves from us. They cannot move away from affection, They gave birth to us, and have the responsibility to love us for who we are, and who they expect us to be.

We are never alone when we feel deserving and worthy.  We are never alone when we live an energetic and spirited life. We cannot judge the world and the world cannot judge us. We cannot hate the world, and they cannot hate us. We are watching a lot chaos and hate in the world. We cannot follow their beliefs, and our responsibility is to do the best we can.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A CHAOTIC MIND CAN DESTROY A HEALTHY BODY

So many of my very worrisome clients do not realize that living a chaotic life, on an ongoing basis, begins to affect the fragile or sensitive parts of their bodies. Worry, anxiety, and nerves can bring on colitis, breast cancer, strokes, heart attacks, and more.  There are many other difficulties. It depends on the individual.

I ask my clients, “Do you understand that each one of you can be responsible when you feel physically ill? They look at me and say, how?  So many of them don’t think about it, and if they do, they still continue to look for trouble in their lives. The drama of intensity and worry, that we create, can never be as important as our health. We cannot wait until we get sick before we stop the chaos.

Very nervous people often repeat the behavior of their parents, and how they were raised, as they were growing up. If they had demanding or nervous parents that made them feel as though they were not good enough, they tend to believe it, and begin to be very self-critical and judgmental. They also begin to criticize others in the same way. Self-criticism,and the need to be perfect brings on intensity and this intensity affects the body. Ask yourself,
“Is your hysteria exciting?” I hope the answer is no. “Does looking for trouble make you feel good?”
I hope the answer is no. Do you love yourself? Most of them say no. Isn’t that shocking?

Noone can love themselves if they live a chaotic life. I want to help them build self-love. Self-love is the right answer. I teach it to all my clients. I tell them if they want to be healthy and happier they need to work hard and go the distance. It is not more difficult to live your truth. It is more difficult to live a lie.

The world is in chaos right now. Fighting and killing is certainly not the answer. We cannot build relationships without communication, whether it is personal or professional. We cannot live a healthy life or build a healthy body by harboring our anger. Anger can be the killer when disagreement or different beliefs prevail.

As you know my brand is truth, and with truth we cannot build anger and hostility. We all need to think about ourselves and how we stay mentally and physically healthy. We do have a choice, and we cannot allow fear to destroy our choices. Please feel free to contact me if you are lost in some of your choices.  312-944-7256, Chicago, Illinois

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HOW TO BECOME YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.

My experience with personal clients, or when I speak to a large audience I find that most people resist becoming their own best friend. They do not nurture or nourish themselves. They do not appreciate their accomplishments. They tend to forget to count the good,and obsess on the “I’m Not Good Enough” syndrome. They worry and worry. Therefore, they are peaking their nerves on a daily basis. Anxiety gets in the way of their need for self-love.

We cannot be negative, when we make choices. We cannot lose hope, when it keeps us alive and happy. No hope, no zest for life. No hope, no dreams.

Do you help others? Are you their best friend. Do you forget to be good to yourself. The one tool to help you is to count on your courage. Do not allow your fear to become your best friend.

As I tell all of my clients, “Get up in the morning, look in the mirror and say, “I love you.” Of course I want you to mean what you say, or this exercise will not work.

My father would say to me, “Honey, who is your best friend?” I would respond with “I Am” He smiled and said, “You sure are. Keep it up”! Sometimes our parents do not realize how to raise us with that feeling. They tend to make us feel that we need to please, obey, and say yes all the time. Of course I always say, “No, is in the dictionary.”

The world will be a better place, if most people wanted to be their own best friend. There would be less anger, there would be less blame, there would be less pain and torture.

I leave you with “Please understand the importance of being your own best friend.” When you reach that plateau there will be no stopping you! It truly feels good and lies will not be necessary.

What do you do to help others? You make sure they get what they need. You take them to the hospital when necessary.
You make them laugh when they are sad. You are there for them, but are they there for you? If you are your best friend, your choices will be healthy and happy. If you are your best friend, you worries will take a back seat. If you are your best friend you are not selfish. If you please yourself, your self-esteem will grow and grow.
If you need your own approval, you will always have the strength to get the job done.

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PERFECT IS BORING

The most difficult insecurity that I find in my clients is that they want to be perfect. I say, “There is no perfect–perfect is boring.”

My studies with human beings show me that those who need to be perfect have the most anxieties, worry a lot, and become nervous wrecks. They are constantly intense. I tell them, “Perfection gets in your way, but feeling “good enough” will help you grow and build your natural potential.

When everything needs to be in place, and you discount your need for freedom with rigidity and details, you lose your creativity. In fact you tend to forget about your creativity.

I find that strong and controlling mothers, who think their children need to be perfect, do them a disservice. The need to control is the mother’s problem, and has nothing to do with their kids. The problem is that the children begin to believe that THEY need to be perfect, when they are forced to live with extreme expectations.

When I say “Perfect Is Boring” I mean that there is no diversity. Perfectionists are afraid to dare life. They tend to discount the exciting and wonderful opportunities that the world offers them.

Not only is perfect boring, it is full of fear. It drives human beings to
be frightened of anything that they cannot control. We all talk about
courage and of course it feels good. Beyond courage is truth, and when we grow up in a rigid family, who do not communicate, we forget to live our truth.

Truth is my brand and I teach it. Truth brings courage, leadership, and compassion for others. Truth is not self-critical, but perfection is the cause of self-criticism. When my clients tell me that they are fat, and wear a size 4 dress, I tell them that they are living a lie. When they say I am “not good enough” to do that job, I say that’s a lie.
We do not want to live lies, and we do not want to be perfect. Remember,
Perfect is boring.

One other thing that comes with perfect is the need to please, needing approval, and the fear of saying no. As children grow up they take those feelings with them. It makes them angry, as they lose their freedom and spontaneity. Perfect also damages relationships, particularly the romantic ones. If you have a perfect mother or father,you often look for the same type of person as a mate. It does not work in the long term as you cannot fix your relationship with your parents by finding a mate that resembles them.

Perfect hurts freedom, the need to make wise decisions, risk-taking, and giving yourself permission that you are the one who can only take care of yourself, by developing “Self-Love”.

Controlling parents hurt their children, who are freedom seeking, and love adventure. These children have a very difficult time to make the right decision. Most of all, it builds a huge amount of personal insecurity.

My mother was a very frightened woman. I was an only child, who was born with courage, and I did not want to be afraid to ride a bike, because I might fall. I wanted to swim, but my mother was worried that I would drown. I could not do anything that would scare her. I don’t know where I got the courage to tell her that I would not take her fear. I would not listen to her when she would try to make me insecure. Most children do not tell their mothers about their anger, or their need to hear, “What do you feel?” “What do you think?”

We all need to hear those words as we grow up!

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THE BEAUTY OF LIFE!

I do understand how difficult it can be when you live in a world which presents sadness, pain, anger, and hate. Since I have always wanted to live with joy, peace, love and laughter, I called myself a simple girl.

What did I want to believe about my life. I wanted to have fun, have good parents, possibly a sibling or two, and we would all be happy!

My friends called me a dreamer, since I wanted to be an actress.I told them that it wasn’t a dream–I would be an actress.

Now some of my thoughts might have changed when I was born to a poor family, and lived in the Chicago Housing Projects, but they were still the same. I Didn’t think that I lived in a ghetto, I thought that I would love and help my friends, who needed my spirit, because they had mothers, who were prostitutes,and fathers, who were alcoholics, And their lives were sad.

I had a fabulous father, who worshipped his only child, and a mother, who was a very nervous person. I believed in my father’s opinion of me, as he thought I was very special. I couldn’t believe in my mother’s opinion because I could not attach to her nerves.

I was Jewish and my friends were diverse. They were Hispanic, African American, Asian, Italian, and as my Jewish grandmother would call some of them “Billhillies”

I know that being happy was very important to me and I saw
my life, for the first twelve years, HAPPY! I was a little chubby, but my father thought I was beautiful. He would treat me by taking me to an expensive store once a year,
and bought me a pretty dress. I remember all of the mothers
calling their little girls “fat”. My father would think that every dress I put on was gorgeous and I was gorgeous.

After we bought the dress my father would go up to a few of the mothers and say, “Don’t call your daughters “fat” because they will always think that they are “Fat”. I was so proud of him. He enhanced my happiness.

We all need to try hold on to what makes us happy. Life can be beautiful or pleasurable if we believe it. Nothing is perfect, but there are things to remember that we will never forget. As a coach and teacher I am very strong on helping my clients feel self-love, as I believe it can help us get through the most difficult times we may have.

I always loved the song “Smile” and I still love it. A wonderful smile brings light to those who see it. Each one of us can choose to have a happy and realistic life.

I graduated grammar school at 11. and went into high school at 11 l/2. I skipped three times and I wish I had not skipped three times, but I did. I graduated high school at 15 1/2 and got a scholarship to Northwestern University. I graduated at 19 and went off to New York to become an actress, or maybe I thought I was going to be a star!

I became an actress because I believed in my talent. I have had many careers that made me happy. I refused to be unhappy and I guess I still refuse! Nothing is perfect, except my two children! We need to work on gratitude for what we have, determination to make things happen, and courage to go forward in the best way we can!